Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
