i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had to cum in my sink.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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