and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize