piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That's when you crack a 10am beer
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
