I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
