I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Houston, we have a blender
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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