I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
