I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize