1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm too high and old for this...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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