how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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