someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
