worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alive.
So much puke
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
