billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
