I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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