You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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