508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
