I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
