I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
