A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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