Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
