I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am one with the molecules
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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