Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
