Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
