If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
