it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
