she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
