i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
