First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
