i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
