Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
