I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize