Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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