A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
