no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
