last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
