JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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