I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
