Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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