I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
