he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
