We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
