need another drink. this is the easiest way
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
