Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
