Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
