dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
