What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
