I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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