even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
