If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
