Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
