Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
