the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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