Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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