I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
