The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize