This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
