.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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