We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize