In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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