If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Be still, my beating vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize