I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
