You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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