Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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