This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
