wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
