You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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