hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
