I'm eating all of the evidence.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
