We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
