Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize