she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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